Joy

 I know I have been absent. I know I left everyone hanging. And I apologize greatly for it.

I was convinced that I need to turn back to this blog. And with the last year behind me finally, I do think it is a good idea. I won't skirt around the subject. I have had a hard year. Not because of finances or family troubles, though they played a part. But because of something most people keep private and hide from their family and friends. Something most people feel shame about and stash away in hopes that it will just go away or work itself out. Depression. 

 

This year many things came to a head for me. Mentally and physically. Most of my family and friends see me as optimistic and happy. Always with a smile and a Joy for Life. But it has been a mask often times in the last months. And hiding behind that mask has been more harm than good and has allowed my illness to fester. I hurt myself in the process and almost hurt my family.

 

I gardened this year. But I was half-hearted about it and it filled with weeds and thorns. I rarely got on my horse, but I DID spend time with her. Hoping she could heal the wounds in my heart and mind. She did her part and gave me all she could. But I had to face up to my depression and get professional help. All of the years of pain and abuse and suffering. I needed to face it and heal.

I got the help I needed to face my past and take hold of my present. And now I am healing. Life is looking Joyful again. And the mask is off. 

 

 And yes, it is difficult to have my true face to the world. To be able to show everyone who I really am and what my true thoughts are. But if I can help just one person feel the confidence to get the help they need and to heal, then it is all worth it. All the shame and guilt, all of the fear of rejection, all of the struggle and loss. All of it can have a purpose. To any of my readers who puts on a mask every morning when they wake, remember to be who you are. Only then can you heal and feel the JOY that life can really be.